Life Experience with an Invisible Disability

Hello! I have worked for Service Canada for 5 years and I have an invisible disability.

This is my story.

Life was a great struggle for my first 40 years. Throughout my education and employment I was always considered someone with potential, but there were always barriers in relations to how I handled myself socially and professionally. I realized that at 40 the disability I had was preventing me from being able to support myself financially. People called me slow, stupid and various other terms that would be non-printable. I sought help from a vocational psychologist who diagnosed me with having Asperger’s Syndrome.

Thankfully this helped my situation because it would allow me accommodations in a good customer service job in the private sector. For the first time in memory I felt that my disability was not a liability. Though it took me longer to understand new technology and procedures, I would eventually thrive. My dream was to take the customer service skills I learned  to serve the people of Canada. I was to learn quickly that the lessons I learned about accommodations in the private sector would serve as an advantage.

When I saw an opportunity to work in serving clients for the Government of Canada, I responded to the section requesting accommodations and presumed (incorrectly) that the staff who contacted me would know what I was applying for. I received a call from a respectful member of the accommodations team who advised me that he got my email and asked me if I was applying to be a correctional officer in Cornwall. For a moment I froze and wondered how an accommodation request for customer service can be translated as a job in corrections. Though I respect the work of corrections I knew that would be the wrong place for me and I advised the gentleman that in fact I was applying for customer service. Many people in my shoes would have run away quickly but my logic was I got this far and there is no point in turning back now. Thankfully I was put in touch with a manager for Service Canada who agreed to add more time for the written test, which I had been unable to pass when I entered without accommodations. The tests were challenging but the extra time allotted allowed me to fully grasp the questions asked and following a successful in-person interview, was happy to get an email telling me I had been selected to join the government. I truly believed that my new employer would be aware of my situation.

When I contacted the member of the hiring team to discuss the offer I was in for a shock. When I told the member that I had Asperger’s and needed accommodations the person seemed surprised. I realized that there are different wings of customer service and most likely I qualified based on score but they had no idea of my situation. The member assured me that they will look into accommodations and I was happy with that response, and accepted the offer that night. I was also advised that they might need documented proof and I told the member that if granted time off for a day I could get it from the Dr. They never did request it.

I already knew going in that I would be in a room with a group of people who beat out thousands to be there and would be of high intelligence. Thankfully I did get some extra help, but I felt like an alien. That would remain throughout my entire first few months of service. The trainers on the most part were kind, but it became clear there was no plan on how I was to be managed. I would write the tests away from the rest of the class. It became very clear to this class  that I was different. I quietly told one or two classmates of my disability as one told me he worked in education. That was a major mistake as the one classmate who worked in education would not only shun me in the lunchroom, but tell the one friend I made in the class to leave my table and join them. Thankfully my friend rejected his very disrespectful request.

When I wrote the final exam there were no desks available for me outside the training room so I had to write the test in an area occupied by Service Canada employees with all its noise. Thankfully by working and studying harder than most of my classmates combined I squeaked through training and managed to pass all the tests. I felt that I needed more support and I am happy to say the union was very helpful. I will be forever thankful to her.  Though I left scarred at being on the most part alienated, I felt the most important thing was that I was where I wanted to be and was ready to work.

It was far from an easy transition. Although management did its best to accommodate me, I could clearly tell that they had no previous experience with someone with a pre-disclosed disability like Asperger’s.  The first few months were a struggle, but as usual I followed my habit of working 2 or 3 times as hard as my other colleagues to stay afloat. I was signed under a 5 month contract and towards the end of term, I was called in by a BEA. I was being told that I failed the recent monitoring session. Though I understand certain standards need to be upheld, I felt the BEA had personal biases. When one client could not answer the most simple of questions, I advised her son to be a contact. From my training, I was following the correct authentication procedures, and the BEA felt that because there was a special note on file, I should have let it go. She also failed me on 2 other procedures that I had no knowledge or training in. I knew the BEA was unaware of my disability, and her insensitive and hostile manner devastated me professionally and morally. To make it worse she did it on a Friday afternoon leaving me little time to correct the issues. (the BEA retired around 2 years later, and part of me wondered if she ever had training in dealing with people with invisible disabilities). On the night after the fierce report, I was personally introduced to someone who would change my life. She would prove to be the perfect distraction as instead of worrying about work for the entire weekend, I did my best to forget it and be ready to redeem myself Monday. When I came in my Team Lead called me into the office about the report. My TL was clearly fearful I would be a complete wreck. I quietly told her I would improve but that something wonderful just happened over the weekend, so if I did not seem a complete mess, there was a good reason. She smiled and said to get back to work. And for the record my term did get renewed. However unlike the rest of my class I never got an email telling me that. To this day I will always wonder why.  After serving Service Canada for just over a year, I was called in by my TL who told me I was now indeterminate. It was maybe one of the  happiest day of my adult life.

In refection my story may have had a Disney like ending. However the adventures that I dealt with along the way should serve as a lesson about working with people who have the Asperger’s spectrum. For many people in my shoes, even getting through the initial screening with confusion as to what I was applying for ,may have caused them to be thrown off track. The sense of alienation in training may have destroyed many people under the spectrum. It should be noted that I am considered a highly functional person with Asperger’s, and  without the accommodations and quite possibly the distraction that made me finally relax, I know as a fact that I would not have survived. I was desperate to make it work as being middle aged, I needed a decent job to survive for the rest of my life.  There clearly needs to be more of a concrete plan on how to accommodate people with invisible disabilities.  One union executive told me I was the first one to come in under a pre-disclosed invisible disability.

I don’t want to be the last one.

Thank you so much for taking time to read my story!