Pet Bereavement - A Genuine Grief Response

Volume 24-4

It is sometimes misunderstood, ridiculed, or trivialized, however losing a cherished pet can be devastating for the owner who will be grieving after the loss of a pet. Nearly half of all Canadian homes have a pet. You may be a pet owner yourself.

Although cats and dogs are the most popular pets among the Canadian population, we also choose to share our homes with birds, reptiles, fish, hamsters, rabbits, hedgehogs and also establish special emotional bonds with larger animals such as horses.

Sharing stories about our pets usually initiates interest when they are shared with the people around us. It’s pleasant to learn of the silly and clever things our pets do.

We know the degree of connection that occurs with a pet when they are referred to with affection as :

• “a best friend"
• “a family member”
• "a confidant"
• "an assistant" (dog guides ; specially trained to assist those with mobility challenges, post-traumatic stress disorder, autism etc.)

The Flip Side of the Coin

While the decision to acquire a pet has many benefits, it is important to remember that they are living beings requiring daily care and attention and more so when they become sick or suffer injuries. With some situations, it is necessary to face the difficult decision to end their suffering for medical or personal reasons.

Making such a decision can be stressful on a variety of levels including personal ethics/beliefs, finances, family pressures and expectations. With few pet owners prepared to face such an unfortunate situation, many can become overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, loss, and sadness.

Pet Bereavement is Real

The death of a pet means an end to a special and meaningful relationship as well as an end to daily routines. This can cause real suffering and tremendous loss in the lives of people who had a daily relationship with a pet.

Pet bereavement is real. It is unique for every person who experiences it, as is each person’s emotional bond with their pet. Members within the same family may grieve differently.

Am I "Normal"?

Regardless whether a person is anticipating or experiencing the loss of their pet, a variety of emotions can arise at different times before and after the pet dies. Some people may be surprised about the intensity of their emotions and may even have trouble functioning at work. Seeking out information about the signs and symptoms of a normal grief response and talking to friends, colleagues, family doctors and professionals can be very helpful. Following are some common signs and symptoms of bereavement that can occur :

• Emotional : Guilt, anxiety, sadness, anger, etc.
• Physical : Sensitivity to noise, insomnia, stomach aches, migraines, etc.
• Psychological : Feelings of abandonment, deep distress, nightmares, regression in children or adolescents, anxiety, depression, etc.
• Behavioural : Aggression, lack of interest in personal hygiene or other aspects of life, drug or alcohol abuse, hyperactivity or, conversely, a lack of energy, etc.
• Cognitive : Trouble concentrating or paying attention, frequent memory lapses, feelings of going crazy, seeing or sensing the deceased animal, etc.
• Social : Isolation, social withdrawal, lack of understanding from the people around them, etc.

Together, Let's End the Taboo!

What if, as of today, we made a conscientious effort to refrain from using the following empty expressions of compassion and empathy when comforting someone who has lost a pet:

• Get over it, it was only a dog/cat, etc.
• Just go get another one to replace it.
• Finally you will be free to travel without worrying about it.
• Now you’ll be able to get on with your life.

Becoming educated will enhance understanding and respect as well as help to provide effective support to those who are grieving the loss of their pet. This approach can also help to eliminate the taboo surrounding the topic of pet bereavement. It wasn’t that long ago that these animals usually lived outdoors or on the farm, but they have now made an invaluable place for themselves in many homes. Moreover they are recognized in the legislation of many provinces, states and countries as sentient beings with their own rights and needs.

The Benefits of Having a Pet

It is increasingly recognized and documented in the literature and research that people and their pets share a unique bond.

In recent years, ethologists, psychologists, veterinarians, anthropologists and other professionals have examined the social, emotional, psychological benefits of pet ownership. Many studies have shown that animals can provide a positive therapeutic role with people who suffer from stress in a situation involving aggression, the loss of a loved one or a serious illness.

Why Not Prepare for Their Farewell?

Commemorate memorable times and create a plan you wish to follow when your pet dies. There are many ways to plan ahead and commemorate all the precious times spent together and this in turn will bring some comfort during the grieving process :

• Book a session with a professional photographer
• Use fur clippings to make jewelry, bookmarks and other items
• Find out in advance about various crematorium and veterinarian rates
• Create a book/collage which tells the story of your pet’s life from day one to their final days
• Speak to your children and adolescents about the realities of the pet’s life cycle.

Tips for Coping With Pet Bereavement

• Accept what has happened, as well as all the related emotions and feelings without seeking answers or placing blame.
• Allow time for grieving and don’t rush through the process.
• Don’t be shy about celebrating your pet’s life and highlighting how important it was to you.
• Take time for activities, be it alone, with friends or as a family.
• Try to maintain your meal and bedtime routines, for both children and adults.
• Share your feelings and needs with the people around you.
• Educate your children about the normal signs and symptoms of grief that they may experience. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings and ask questions. They need gentle, consistent support and reassurance.
• When the pet dies from a traumatic injury (i.e. hit by a car), obtaining professional assistance for you and your family could be very helpful, particularly for those who witnessed the incident.
• Find out about the support services available through your Employee Assistance Program (EAP).
• Many books are available in bookstores and libraries.
• Use your favourite search engine to look up pet bereavement, pet loss or simply bereavement. Many websites and videos can help you to become more aware and better understand pet bereavement.

When to Get Another Pet?

Sometimes people rush to get another pet to simply fill the void left by the passing of their cherished companion. It’s rarely wise to do so. Rather, it helps to take time to complete the grieving process before bringing a new pet into the household. This way, the new pet will be appreciated more for its uniqueness and will be a new addition to the family to cherish and love and keep us company.