Being a Parent in the Digital Age

Volume 24-2

As the Internet has no borders, children are constantly being exposed to all kinds of content and entertainment. They may find themselves ill-prepared when it comes to decoding and interpreting messages received through content that is often in raw form. With this in mind, this newsletter gets you to think about the central issues surrounding parenting in the digital age: how do we supervise our children and show them how to make sound use of these ubiquitous machines?

The days when parents and their kids went to the video store to rent a movie on a Friday night are disappearing. With the spectacular technological advances of the last decade, our children are also overwhelmed by the immediacy of the latest digital content. To all intents and purposes, this immediacy reduces the child's need to cultivate patience and develop the ability to wait. Like us, children are now two clicks away from their favourite popular video or the latest online video game that everyone is talking about.

Does this mean that we are in the age of instant gratification?

Unlimited . . . desires?

It is precisely in the idea of pleasure that the dizzying pace of digital progress makes a parent’s task that much harder. Indeed, although the Internet helps to make life easier by significantly reducing the effort required to get different products, it challenges us all to set limits! It is better that children learn sooner rather than later how to navigate this abundance of easy, seemingly gratuitous offers that are often inappropriate for the child’s level of development and age. Keep in mind that pre teens are unable to intellectually access the ability to grasp the second degree of audio and video content, advertising messages and other solicitations they see online until they start high school. It is difficult, but no less disturbing, to assess the emotional and social impact that explicit uninterpreted images have on a primary school-age child.

Of course, it is sometimes easy for parents to set the channel to cartoons, or set up their child’s favourite online movie or series in order to have a break. All parents need a breather from time to time, without always having to worry about their child’s educational stimulation. Screens are undeniably practical, especially when trying to pass the time waiting in a restaurant, doctor’s office or while making dinner. But how can we teach our children to stop?

A safe playground

By setting limits that are appropriate to the child’s age and cognitive development, a parent is setting the foundations for inner security. The disciplinary framework, that is, the type of rules established at home, is in a way the child’s “playground”. If it has well-defined boundaries, this space determines where the child must stop, for its own safety. Parents can expand the boundaries as the child develops its emotional, cognitive and social maturity.

One informed parent is worth two!

It is important to remember that parents who are familiar with the technologies themselves will be more comfortable guiding their children through the exploration of different websites. Conversely, parents who are resistant to digital progress will react by imposing more restrictions, which could isolate the child socially. There is very little evidence in the literature indicating that restrictions protect young people from exposure to risks such as cyberbullying. In other words, to reduce the probability of these negative virtual experiences, it would be better for parents to openly discuss with their child their relationships on the web rather than to limit only time and content.

Similarly, the number of hours that parents themselves are glued to screens, as well as how they use them, will serve as a reference for the child. For example, if a parent spends several minutes on their smartphone during family meals, the child will understand that this is a “normal” and desirable practice for them too. Finally, having parents and children use digital devices (e.g., video games) together may be relevant when it opens a discussion. On the other hand, it is not desirable when parents are only “playing” for their own pleasure without guiding their children.

In other words, the values conveyed by parents have a big influence on the place that media and digital devices have in a home (e.g., television always on, cell phone at the table, at bedtime, in the car).

Being a parent of your time

When we consult various parenting guides or hear warnings from pediatric associations, we are sometimes surprised to learn that we should be strictly prohibiting screen use by babies from 0 to 2 years and limiting screen exposure time to 1 hour per day for toddlers aged 2 to 5. Yet despite these guidelines, the Western trend goes well beyond these recommendations, especially during the teenage years, when all kinds of screens become ubiquitous: at home or elsewhere for entertainment and communication with friends, and at school as a learning tool. However, several studies suggest there could be real health issues associated with excessive screen time (e.g., weight issues, sleep problems), and these studies underline the importance of the parent’s role in supervising their child’s daily routine.

Beyond the best practices and expert recommendations, it seems advisable for a parent to first observe their own consumption, values and behaviour vis-à-vis technology in order to adjust to the behaviour they are advocating and wish to pass on to their child.

On the one hand, we know that being completely closed towards digital technologies will not help parents establish a fluid communication channel with their child on the subject. Although today’s children are literally born in an age when screens are omnipresent, they need our support to navigate the use of these digital devices. On the other hand, too much openness (parental leniency) without limitations on the hours of screen time or controlling content will not help their child develop a critical attitude of self-analysis with respect to what is offered on the internet, nor the ability to feel in their body and their mind when it is time to shut down the screen.

Striking a balance is the key!

The ideal would be to strive for balance and consistency that combine our values towards technological change, which is very real, and the parenting style that characterizes us. Furthermore, based on indicators of well-being for children, we know that it is better for parents to focus first on the content, context and relationships maintained online and on the digital media used by our children rather than just their screen time.

In closing, like the sound of a small bell, it is important for a parent to always keep in mind their child’s normal level of functioning, and ensure that digital technology use does not limit their other hobbies, or interfere with healthy living (washing, feeding, sleeping). Parents must also ensure that screen time does not affect grades, general motivation or the desire to socialize. Under no circumstances should screens be monopolizing our children’s thoughts, to the point of invading during other activities. As for us adults, if our devices are running our lives and contribute to the feeling that we are lacking something when we are deprived of them, it is time to stop and take stock of the importance we wish to give digital technology in our lives.